Naked, Part 1

The other day I was reading the free local arts magazine and came upon an article about a local parent challenging one of the public elementary schools over having Maurice Sendak’s In the Night Kitchen in their library. This children’s book by the well-known and award-winning author-illustrator was published in 1970 and won the prestigious Caldecott Honor in 1971.

The book has been challenged by social-religious conservatives since its publication, most often on the basis of the illustrations, some of which depict the central character, Mickey (right), a boy about three or four years old, naked—and anatomically correct. In the course of the story, Mickey dreams that he hears a noise below him, on the first floor of the house. He floats out of bed and down to the “night kitchen,” losing his bedclothes in the process. The bakers in the kitchen, who all look like Oliver Hardy, need milk for the “morning cake,” and Mickey resolves to get some for them. He finds a giant milk bottle, which he falls into but eventually delivers to the bakers. Then he crows like a rooster, slides down the bottle, and is magically returned to his bed. This is a perfectly innocent dream story, right?

However, conservatives’ prurient interests apparently are aroused by children’s nudity, which is hardly surprising but awfully silly. In other cultures, young children can routinely be seen unclothed in parks and on public beaches. It’s normal and natural. But not in the United States, where perversion apparently lurks everywhere—and is nowhere more prevalent than in the conservative mind. This is the same mindset that produced the failed “Just Say No” philosophy in place of actual sex education.

Again, this is not surprising considering the number of prominent sex scandals in which conservatives have been involved. In the topsy-turvy, Alice-in-Wonderland world of conservatism, where words often mean the opposite of their true meaning (Fox’s “fair and balanced” being neither, of course), sex is hidden, desire is denied, and everyone pretends to saintliness, even after they’re caught with their pants around their ankles. Let’s look at a few examples:

In 2002 the darling of 9/11, New York Mayor Rudi Giuliani, made headlines with his mistress Judith Nathan (to the consternation of his wife) and carried on quite openly, even providing Nathan with a city car and a police driver to act as her chauffeur.

In 2004 Republican Jack Ryan dropped out of the Illinois senate race (against Barack Obama) because his wife complained openly that he took her to sex clubs and made her have sex with other patrons.

In 2006 Republican Mark Foley, who introduced a bill to outlaw websites with suggestive images of preteen children, was caught sending sexually explicit emails to underage male House pages.

In 2007 Republican Larry Craig, the gay marriage opponent who had famously called President Bill Clinton “a naughty boy” over Clinton’s tryst with Monica Lewinsky, was arrested for lewd conduct with another man in a Minneapolis airport restroom.

Well, the list does go on and on, but the implications are clear. When you’ve set your own hair on fire as many times as conservatives have, it’s hard to see a whiff of smoke without envisioning a blazing inferno—indeed, the fires of Hell.

So, of course, innocence never is innocent. Topsy-turvy. More in Part 2.